Hello Everyone,
I know it's been a while. Sorry to those of you who were following the blog. Well there is good news. Our scan in September came back clear. So no cancer as of September. We scan again in December so keep the prayers coming. I get nervous every time. These last couple of months have been a roller coaster of emotion. I have been able to get out of the house, but going through cancer is a lonely, scary journey. It's been hard to find out where my place is again in the world. What things can I do? Should I wait to pursue things? How long should I wait? I hate my hair! It's hard finding your place in the world sometimes. I think the only thing that kept me going some days was football season! Our two boys played this year, and they both did very well. I stayed busy running them back and forth and making sure they had treats or meals for the games. Mateen is a great running back. It was fun watching him run the ball. Tremaine had to step up this year and play center. Poor kid. He's not very big so he would get pretty nervous when he had to face the big linemen in games. After a few iffy snaps he would settle down and do pretty good. He would really step up if you bribed him with mint chocolate chip ice cream or a Son of a Baconator from Wendy's! :)
The girls have stayed busy. Myra joined the National Honor's Society and she was a manager for the high school soccer team. She got keep stats at the games. She also does quite a bit with NHS. I think it's been an adjustment getting used to high school, but she is doing well. Taytum loves gymnastics and art. She is either practicing front hand springs, back walk overs, or getting markers and glue out to make some kind of art project. She is a busy body!
Halloween was kind of quiet this year. Tremaine went as a cheeseburger and ventured out with his friends to trick or treat for the first time. Taytum was Gabby Douglas (the 2012 Olympic gold medalist). My sister and I took her around. So I only had one child to tag along with. They both got lots of candy, and I told them if I found wrappers around the house I get 5 pieces of candy for every wrapper. I have yet to find one.
I was looking through old posts today on the blog, and didn't realize how emotional it would be to look back at everything. I was overcome with anxiety reading and looking at pictures. I was also overcome with a great sense of gratitude for my family and friends. I don't think I can ever say thank you enough for everyone's love and support. It made things that much easier to know my children were taken care of and loved. That we had so many friends show up to the 5k and support us there.
I was thinking about the Savior's life the other day and his ability and capacity to love. It is hard to love sometimes. Especially if we feel justified to be angry or dislike someone. I have found myself in turmoil these last couple of months. I think I was angry, depressed, trying to figure what's next for me. I would find myself looking at people around me wondering why they don't have cancer. Why did I get it? How come I have to start over? Will I have to start over again? I had so much to be grateful for (miracles, support from family and friends, awesome husband, and a beautiful family) yet I was angry and hateful in some ways. It wasn't until I started to really let some of those feelings go and soften my heart that peace came. I've had to humble myself many times to feel the Lord's love for me and know he cares and is aware of me. I've had to make a conscious effort to change my thinking when I look at others and felt angry or spiteful. It hasn't been easy, but there really is a peace that comes from learning to replace anger in your heart with love. It makes such a difference in so many aspects of life, but it's so very, very hard. I still don't have it down perfectly, but I'm trying. That's all we can do to get through life sometimes.
