Saturday, September 17, 2016

Learning from life's lessons

Yesterday I had the opportunity to hike Mount Timpanogas, on of the Utah's tallest mountains.  It was extremely hard, exhausting, and very fulfilling.  I was feeling extremely proud of the feat I had just conquered.   I was excited to get home and get ready to watch my son's football game later on that night.  I wasn't expecting a win.  The team we were playing is the best one in their division.  I was just hoping and praying my son would do well, and not get injured. Typical mom worries.  The score was quickly run up by the other team, but the second half ,we came out and held them, caught up to them, and tied the game. So we went into overtime. They scored with their opportunity.  Now it was our turn.  Our first down was a dropped throw to our wide receiver.  Second down Mateen was handed the ball to run.  He pushed forward very close to a first down.  As I watched the pack of players close in on the tackle I saw the ball fall to the ground, and the other team recovered.  I was devastated, crushed, just sick to my stomach.  This wouldn't have been as bad if the previous week, a similar scenario hadn't happened.  We were up by four points with two and a half minutes left in the game, and Mateen fumbled the ball. They recovered, drove the ball down, and scored. Two weeks in a row. Are you freakin kidding me. I had done something so challenging earlier, and felt so happy for accomplishing something so difficult.  Only to feel so  devastated and sad.  I held it together long enough to get in the car, and that's when the tears started flowing. My heart ached for my son.  Why did he have to go through this again. What are the other kids on the team going to say? How will he be treated?  What are all the fans thinking, and saying?  I want to crawl into a cave with my son, and hide there for a week or two until this storm blows over.  But I can't.  What does that teach him?

Life is tough. We experience many different and difficult trials. Some physical. Some mental. Some spiritual.  How do we conquer and overcome? I had to conquer both physically , and mentally yesterday morning climbing that mountain.  My legs were burning, my mind was trying to rationalize with me, and convince me it wasn't a big deal if I didn't get to the top. I was close enough, and we were cutting it close to getting back home on time. I even had an amazing husband at home taking on my motherly duties for the day! I was coming up with all kinds of excuses to quit, but we pushed through, and made it.

A couple of years ago I faced one of my most challenging mountains ever.  You can't explain that blow you receive when you are told you have cancer.  Talk about a face plant. I couldn't run from it. I couldn't hide from it.  I had to face it, and hit it head on. We got through it once, only to be told it had returned, and that the mountain was even more difficult and challenging then the first.  I didn't think the mountain could get any bigger.  Let's just say mountains come in all colors, shapes, and sizes. Sometimes you just have to look right in front of you and put one foot in front of the other, and take it step by step.  You can't look up at the peak, because it seems so far, and impossible to climb.  But you can make it to the top.  You can conquer your mountain, by moving forward through each obstacle.  Learning from the difficult, challenging path that lies ahead. Cancer was extremely tough.  Physically, mentally, and spiritually.  Each day I had to make a choice on how I would battle it out.  What my attitude was going to be as I faced uncertainty. Sometimes I fell. Sometimes my attitude was negative, and I wanted to give up. I didn't understand what I had done to deserve this.  I had many pity parties.  But I guess that is where my competitiveness come in.  I wasn't going to let cancer win. I had to many things I still wanted to accomplish.  I had my children I wanted  to continue to raise.  I wanted to see them go to their first school dance, or watch them achieve their black belt.  I wanted to teach them to be the amazing person I know they will all be someday.  So I climbed, and climbed, and climbed, and climbed, and made it!!

No mother wants to see her children suffer or hurt.  We want to see our children happy, and have life go just the way we want, or think it should.  But reality is sometimes we fumble, stumble, mumble.  Our children have lessons they need to learn in life as well, and if they never fail,  they will never learn how to become who they are here to become. It will be difficult for them to reach their potential. They won't appreciate their success if it is always easy. I know my son is here to accomplish great things, and I hope to be a support, and example along his journey to the top of his mountain.  I hope I can teach him to press forward step by step, even if he falls.  That he can brush his knees off, and work hard to overcome.

Sunday, June 14, 2015

So it's been a while since I've posted.  So much has happened these last few month. I continue to thank the Lord  for the tender mercies and miracles in my life. It's been a challenge trying to deal with the aftermath emotions. I can understand the fear people face when they need to change behaviors in their life.  When you have lived a certain way your whole life ( even if it's dysfunctional) you are familiar with it, and to change means uncertain territory. You have to rewire behaviors, thoughts, and actions.  And it sucks at times. But with these changes came many blessings and understanding I didn't have before.  I found a recent quote the other day that brought me to tears. It goes " I love the person I've become, because I fought to become her." If we are striving to be a better person or looking for relief from those things we know are weighing us down, we have to change.  We have to face those realities and weaknesses that are keeping us from reaching our potential, and then figure out how to overcome them.  I'm so grateful for a patient husband, forgiving children, and family and friends who have loved me in spite of my challenges and frailties.

My year "cell-abation" was May 23rd.  I was supposed to have a year check up with them. I didn't hear from them at all in May and part of me was hoping maybe I would get overlooked, but alas they contacted me and I do my testing this week and meet with the doctors next week to discuss the results.  Anxiety, anxiety, and more anxiety have been my reality these last couple weeks.  So how am I coping, well the day after my PET scan (June 18th), I will be doing the ragnar relay the next day the 19th and 20th.  I will end up running 3 different times with my mileage  close to 20 for those 2 days. I will also be running a half-marathon the next weekend the 23rd.  I've dedicated both of these races to my dear friends and loved ones who have bravely fought cancer or who are courageously fighting right now.  You are my true heroes, the ones I look up to, the ones who know how to battle when the going gets tough!  So here's to Hammy, Jenny, Adrienne, Sabrina, Grandma Booker, Aunt Connie, Jacob, Dezmon, Lena, Holli, Bonnie, Kumen, and any other dear friends who aren't posted because my brain doesn't work like it used to. Some have passed on, but I hope and pray they will be with me in spirit!

Get ready for major picture overload! I'll try to put them in order best I can! Warning this may be overwhelming for some. I'm stalling because I'm overwhelmed just thinking about it!
I'm going to post a few pictures of our last few months and want to keep this blog updated a little better!
This is what happens when your 9 year old gets a hold of your phone to take selfies!!                    

We had the opportunity to see the Payson Temple Dedicated and Myra and Mateen participated in the cultural celebration. They are in the "Take me out to the ball game" dance, front and center on the 50 yard line right in front of the apostles!
She found my phone again! Another batch of random selfies!!
While they slept! Naughty our elf had a little fun with their stuffed animals!!
Lomax Christmas 2015! It snowed about a foot Christmas Day! It was a perfect Christmas Day! Except that I got stuck in a ditch the day after Christmas trying to meet up with a friend to go running!
Sinterklaas gave us a visit this year!!
The Forgotten Carols

Myra practicing photography this last fall!

Halloween: Taytum was Gabby Douglas the Olympic Gymnast, Tremaine was a hamburger ,and Desi, Mateen, and Mateen's friend Jordan were the Decontaminaton Team from Monsters Inc.

BYU football game!

Thanksgiving 10K

 Taytum's picture's consist of birthday, cookies with mom, birthday party at the planetarium, track meet (she won the 200 for the city, and she was 2nd in the 100!), doing gymnastics, and farm camp, and her wonderful 3rd grade teachers ( Mrs. McEntire and Mrs. Hales)! 

 School pictures 2014-2015

 Family trips to the planetarium, Bean museum, and Boondocks (waterslide park)!

 Tremaine's pictures: His teacher the amazing Mrs. Andersen, his track meet (he's the speedy one in the yellow), reading his DARE essay he received recognition for, his 5th grade science experiment was who makes the best Root Beer!, his 11th birthday, and some pictures of his journey to receiving his black belt this May 2015.

A family favorite! Went to the thrift store and picked shnazzy outfits out walked around walmart then went to the movies! Good times 

Desi got to meet the one, the only Ray Lewis! He even had front for seats to listen to him speak! Desi was like a kid in a candy store! HE was beyond excited!

Mateen's 15th birthday, he's mastering the rubix cube, got his learners permit (heaven help us)! Found a weird looking tortilla chip, saw Ed Shereen for his birthday, got a guitar and still enjoys being a thespian!
We did a few hikes this year, This one is the Y and we also hiked up to the hot pots. They got to sit in warm sulfur water!!

Myra, Myra, Myra this girl has personality for days!! She got a big bag of popcorn for her 16th birthday, drivers permit, learned a little ball room dancing, played a game of basketball with her mom (it was so awesome), went to Prom with her good friend Austin, and last picture is her girls camp sight down in Moab! They went repelling, hiking, and rafting! Was an exciting adventurous week for her!

Spent time with Doug's family at Christmas time! We had a blast crammed into our little house! I can't figure out how to get this picture back where I want it so this is random last picture!